The Day After Yesterday

[Disclaimer: This post was written a month ago on the journey from the Emerald Isle back to the US of A.]

As I boarded the United Airlines Boeing 747 in Dublin, I was surrounded by a symphony (or cacophony, depending) of American accents; this and the coming arrival in the States filled my mind with familiarities of my hometown, my home state, and my Homeland. America felt so close, even with a 7.5 hour flight ahead of me--so close that the recent reality of Aberdeen and life in the UK began to feel like a dream being presently lost in the fog of clouds outside the plane window.

I had vocalized this fear to some of my close friends, telling them I was scared that as soon as my feet were on American soil it would feel like I never left. To know what you are returning to so intimately that you can almost smell the summer rain asphalt and hear the crickets from 3,000 miles away is a precious testament to a warm childhood full of sweet memories, but it also stings with the thought of losing fresh and newly-forged nostalgia.

Turbulence just off the west coast of Ireland mocked my stomach and mind as I digested the end of an era. To be home: I was excited for things. Fish tacos and tan lines. Chick-fil-a and Taco Bell. A warm ocean and hot sunshine. Old friends and an old dog. It was a comfort to focus on the things which made leaving a year ago a sad ordeal. My mom would be there to greet me at the Dulles airport. It was going to be good.

But the aerial view of Aberdeen was still hot like a migraine behind my eyelids and even reading the easily understandable, "American-style" nutrition facts on the back of the bag of airline pretzels struck me as a sad departure from the "oddities" found in a foreign land, oddities which without me realizing had ceased to be odd, in a land which ceased to be foreign.

I don't think I could ever give my permanent residence to anywhere besides America; my heart will always bleed for the Stars and Stripes, but if it's not patriotism, there is some sort of dedication or fondness which I have built up for this adopted land. Abandoning Aberdeen feels much less like "returning home" than I thought it would when I set out to simply "spend a year in Europe." But oh I spent it. Spent and feel like I'm coming home with empty pockets. (Let's take a moment and realize that is not just a figurative sentiment..)

But the truth is that even if my past year feels dream-like, it happened. I gained an experience full of lessons, growth, friendship, and love that I can carry with me for the rest of my life, and, probably in ways that I am unaware, it will hang itself over my shoulders and show itself in handprints and footsteps of everything I touch and everywhere I go from here.
In reality, my pockets are chocked full. I think the quote goes something like, "the more you give in love, the more you receive."

(this won't turn right way up for some reason, sorry Lena)

So with the sadness of not being able to attain the impossibility of keeping everyone I love with me in all the places I love simultaneously, there is happiness in the fact that the words and prayers of these people will always remain a mark on me, no matter where I am.

Arrived!

 And here are some people that I missed and have since been reunited with!