Day 121: A New Year?

Crazy.

I usually make unspoken, inconsequential New Year's resolutions. And I know I'm late this year, but I suppose you can make resolutions whenever, it's just that as humans we often need clear lines to operate within, so a new year marks a formal starting point for doing all those things we wanted to start in the old year. Anyways, mine are more like life resolutions, because, as you may have gathered, I've done a lot of thinking in my short time here in Scotland, and I'm taking advantage of using this year away from everyone/thing I knew to clear my head and evaluate my goals.

1. To be healthy and strong--exercise daily. I've done pretty well with running since in Aberdeen, but some days it's a brutal struggle against the lazy, novel-reading, couch monster inside of me. I have struggled with the idea of being strong since I first hurt my knee my freshman year of college. For a while I couldn't do much and all my lasting muscle from years of playing soccer deteriorated; I haven't been able to compete in any contact/team sports since, except a few regrettable forays (like that one time where I played soccer in the mud and rain and it was just so so fun to be doing again, until I twisted my knee and went down and then had to explain to those around that I'm not just a sissy who has to sit out after falling, but that things inside of me were falling apart). This lack of ability to play aggressive, competitive sports has been a cross on my shoulders at many times, because up until my 18th year, that was such a part of my life and identity. However, riding a bike across the country kinda helped me to realize that I can still be strong. So I don't want to lose that feeling now, even if I have already lost a lot of the muscle that I found myself with on the coast of Oregon. 

2. To live simply--give more and "need" less. I've already mentioned my desire for simplicity several times, as initially instigated by my traversing from one coast to the next with only what I could carry in two saddle bags. I came to Scotland with three huge suitcases and two large carry-ons. I probably didn't need it all; however, I don't want to do a trip with so much luggage again, so before I leave Scotland, much of what I own will be purged. I set a limit on myself near the beginning of my Scottish stay saying that I would not buy any clothing for myself, and I've stuck to that. I plan on continuing this. But in general, I want to continue to detach myself from the mentality of materialism that pervades our global culture in ways I don't even think about most times. I don't want to covet people's things. I have more than enough, and I have been blessed with a gracious family and great friends, who have provided me with everything I could need. I don't want to be addicted to the way I look, the way I dress, the technologies I own, or anything like that. 

3. To eat well and eat happy--choose foods wisely and cook more creatively. I do, beginning in this new year, want to pay more attention to what I eat, so that I can develop a healthier lifestyle, however, I don't ever want to be someone who rules out bread or rules out everything sweet or rules out meat or rules out all those other things different diets tell you to abandon. Because, honestly, food gives me one of the greatest joys, and without the so-called "unnecessary" food groups, so much greatness is lost. Eat in moderation, sure, but what is life if you can't enjoy a cupcake or bowl of ice cream without stressing over guilt? In this light, I want to start to expand my cooking/baking horizons. I've been cooking a lot for myself here, since that's the primary way I will be able to eat, and I've learned a lot, but I want to push myself to experiment and learn more, so that one day I can be as good as the mama who fed me for so many years.

4. To embrace the greatness of Life--pray more, read more, sing more, love more, see more. I want to make my relationship with God the highest priority. I want to start checking off more from my list of Books to Read. I want to learn and experience new things everyday through the stories and people around me. I want to take advantage of the rest of this year I have in Europe and do what I always long to do--travel. And I don't want to stop travelling once I go back to America to live; I want to write it into my lifestyle, even if it can't mean large trips across oceans riding on camel's backs or speaking in foreign tongues every time. Little adventures and journeys can be grand.

2013 is a starting point for me to understand that soon I will be a woman in the world, and I want to greet the world with a strength in body, mind, and soul. Confident in myself, my faith, my God, and His plans. I want to appreciate the things that matter and not worry about those that don't. I want to live fully and understand that I only get a shot at today once.